


Human Element

by Spectral_Aspen



Series: Sound Adventures [3]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Generation One
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, I wrote all of these literal years ago and am compiling them now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:46:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27791737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spectral_Aspen/pseuds/Spectral_Aspen
Summary: Takes place in a world where, yes, The War™ is going on. However, due to Reasons Soundwave and Co. are tasked with creating holoforms (like holograms but solid and actually practical) so they can infiltrate The Humans (also ™). Will the infiltrating happen in this series? Meh. Will there be shenanigans? Absolutely yes.All of these were written literal years ago and can be found in the main ficSpectral Frequenciesin chapters with 'Human Element' in the chapter title. I asked if people wanted these little bits compiled into one separate fic when I wrote chapter 48, people said yes, and then I never actually did it because university drained my life away.Regardless, 2-4 years later, here is the separate, compiled Human Element.
Relationships: Frenzy & Rumble (Transformers), Ravage & Soundwave (Transformers), Ravage & rumble & frenzy & laserbeak & buzzsaw, Soundwave & Cassettes
Series: Sound Adventures [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/513961
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	1. Road Testing

**Author's Note:**

> Is this cheesy and probably OOC? Maybe.  
> Is it also fluff that warms my soul on bad days? Absolutely.  
> I hope it warms your soul too :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumble and Frenzy are not pleased with their latest mission. Neither is Soundwave, but it's harder to tell with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **[PoV Character]**  
>  -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.- = brief time break

**[Frenzy]**

"This is stupid." I glare sullenly around the insurance office, doing my best to keep from touching any of the humans that are fragging _everywhere._

Soundwave looks down at me, obviously unsympathetic and close to getting fed up with my complaints. "Frenzy. Driver's license is important in order to function in society."

I stare up at him out of the corner of my eye, knowing he's right, but not ready to admit it.

Fragging Megatron and his fragging plans. Make human holograms. Integrate with the humans for a while and learn about them. Make friends with the Autobot's pets so you can infiltrate their base! It'll be easy, humans are stupid!

Yeah fragging right! They may be stupid, but they're stupid _complicated!_ There are so many rules and "societal norms" that I'm already fed up with this mission, and we're not even two days in.

Rumble snickers, his amber eyes full of amusement. "C'mon Frenz, it won't be that bad! Besides, this way we'll be able to impress the ladies." He suggestively raises his eyebrows and lightly elbows my side. I growl at him, and a girl "our age" turns around from her place in front of us.

She glowers at Rumble, but, for some strange reason, smiles at me. "It won't be that bad, this is my second time, and it's really easy."

I stare at her, "That makes no sense at all."

She stares at me in confusion, "What do you mean?"

I huff, humans are so stupid. "You said 'it's really easy,' right?" She nods, still looking confused. I sigh, "So, it the test is _so easy,_ why are you taking it _twice?"_

She stares at me a moment more before her demeanour changes, she straightens up and her friendly expression goes cold. "There were a few details I had to work on. Parking and such."

Another girl, almost identical to the first but far stronger and tougher looking, walks up to the first and puts an arm around her shoulders with a snort. "Easy my ass little sis, you hit a car pulling out of the insurance company's parking lot."

The first girl snarls at the second, jerking away from her arm, "I'm not that much younger than you, oh dearest twin of mine, and it's not my fault that idiot was in my spot."

Rumble grins and steps forwards, "Now, now, ladies, not need to get testy." The first girl turns to glare at him, but the second one sizes him up. Rumble laughs nervously and backs up so he's behind me. "On second thought, do whatever you like."

Soundwave doesn't move, content to ignore us until we do something that'll _really_ make a scene.

The first girl tilts her head up and looks down her nose at her sister, "Just because you passed first try doesn't mean you're any better than me when it comes to driving."

The second girl laughs, hard. "Oh please, Sam, how do you think I paid for my car?"

Sam looks around the room nervously, "I know how you paid for the car, you _felon,"_ she hisses, "you and your street racing." She raises her voice to normal levels again, "Unfortunately for me appearances must be kept, can't have anyone," she pointedly looks around the room at all the workers, "thinking you're going to crash and actually use the insurance you're paying for, can we?"

"Next." Sam glares at her sister and walks up to the counter with a female I'm assuming is her mother, her sister skipping along backwards behind her, humming smugly.

Again. Humans are weird.

A worker a ways down the counter looks up, "Next." Rumble, Soundwave, and I walk over.

"I'm going to die," I moan, Rumble looks at me with a raised eyebrow and I expand, "of _boredom."_

He rolls his eyes, "Careful, someone might think you're talking about _actual_ death."

The lady helping us laughs nervously and hands Soundwave a bunch of papers. I ignore them until Soundwave slides one along the countertop in front of me. "Sign here." He says, pointing at a little box in the top right corner of the page. I glance over it, and flip a few pages back. All identical.

A grading sheet then. Awesome.

I sigh and neatly sign my human name in elegant script, just as I'd been forced to practice, _Ferris Wave._

I look over to see Rumble messily scribble his name, just as he'd refused to practice, _Rhen Wave._

I sigh again. Why Soundwave gave us names related to elements I'll never know, though I didn't protest much because I actually like the movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off."

A large man comes out and walks up to me, "Hello. You must be," he glances at a page on his clipboard, "Ferris. My name is Gary. I'll be your evaluator." He gestures towards the door. "Shall we begin?"

I hate him already.

We walk out to Soundwave's alt-mode, a far cry from his previous boom-box form. The instructor look surprised when I walk up to the deep blue 1975 mustang, but he quickly recovers and looks delighted instead.

I shrug and get in. Soundwave and Rumble go to "take a walk," but really they're just going to a secluded area so their holo-forms can dissipate. The range on them right now is absolutely criminal, and all of our real forms are either Soundwave (the car) or in Soundwave's trunk (as boom boxes of our own).

Gary taps on the driver window, and I reluctantly roll it down. "Can you put your high beams on please?"

I stare at him blankly, before Soundwave gives a mental sigh and practically shoves a file at me. I download it within a second, and turn on the high beams not two seconds after being asked. Then it's the turning signals, hazard lights (I didn't know 1975 mustangs had hazard lights...) and all the other stupid little things I'll never need to know because, really, as if I'd ever have to drive Soundwave.

Then Gary get in, Soundwave tilting towards his side as he settles clumsily in the passenger's seat. I can feel Soundwave disgust and annoyance spike before he blocks it from me.

This is going to be a long half an hour.

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**[Frenzy]**

I pull into the stall next to the one I started the damn test in, and turn off the engine. If there is anything else I have to do, I'm going to shoot Gary and forge a licence.

Gary writes down yet another thing on his/my grading sheet and mulls over it for a bit, and just when I'm about to crush the idiot's skull in, blood stains on Soundwave's interior be damned, he sighs and looks over at me. "So, there are a few things you need to work on."

I twitch, and Gary continues on, oblivious to his impending death. "It's not much, just a few shoulder checks that you missed when you were moving into the left turn lane." I grip Soundwave's steering wheel tightly, knowing he'd prefer the discomfort to a blown mission. "Also, when you did that 3-point turn? The turn was fine, but you didn't do a 360 degree check before backing up. Actually," he glances down at the grading sheet, "you only did a 360 check when you pulled out of the stall, and while that's good, you should do it every time you're about to back up. Kids don't care about cars you know, they're so focused on whatever they're doing they'll run right out behind you if you're not watching."

I'm not going to kill him. I'm not going to kill him.

"So, you did pretty good overall, but, you know the drill. See you in two weeks."

_I'm going to kill him._

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**[Rumble]**

Soundwave ended up having to forcibly calm Frenzy down. That was funny. Gary had no idea he was about to get brutally murdered!

Good times.

But, now it's my turn to take the test, and Soundwave's not my test vehicle because he's talking to Frenzy (more like sitting on him off in the woods really far away from Gary), so I'm on my own in a red Porsche 928. Yup. You heard me. I'm taking a road test in _Dead End._

Luckily, he's sedated, so his morbid griping won't blow our cover.

This is going to be amazing. Payback time, Gary.

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**[Rumble]**

We do all the stupid checks at the beginning, just like with Frenzy, and Gary tells me to pull out and turn left out of the parking lot, and then right onto the street. I do that. I don't hit anything. Not even the painfully slow senior humans crossing the sidewalk. Gary relaxes, and then I slowly turn right out onto the road.

The left side of the road.

Gary freezes, and I can see him debating whether or not to just write fail on my grading sheet (surprisingly, there is no short-hand for _drove on the wrong side of the road_ ) or to tell me to circle around the block and head back. "Turn left." He decided on the latter.

I turn right.

Gary freezes again. Once again desperately wondering what he can do.

"Turn right."

I turn left.

Gary looks at me nervously, but I look over at him with a cheerful smile before turning back to the road. I am the epitome of a good, albeit stupid and oblivious, student.

He probably thinks that I'm a good driver, that I just made a few mistakes (somehow) because Frenzy's a good driver, so I must be too.

Poor, poor Gary.

"Turn right."

I turn right.

Gary sighs in relief.

"Turn right."

I turn left.

He looks at me, and I can see a deeper worry beginning to grow. I keep up the act, happily smiling and quietly humming some popular upbeat song.

Gary turns to the road again, and nervously swallows. "Turn left."

I turn right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way back when, my driving test was like poor Frenzy's, and my uncle's (waaaaaaay back when) was like Rumble's. No joke. It wasn't intentional either, he just gets really scattered sometimes. He wasn't quite that bad, but he got lost. Really lost. And ended up on a logging road.
> 
> Thoughts?


	2. Letter Limits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumble hates applications (and for good reason).

"This is ridiculous! I hate whoever made this fragging application!"

I look over at Rumble's angry shout, slightly concerned for his mental stability. Cursing an application form is a new low even for him.

"What's the problem Rumble?" I wander over to stare at the application he's filling out, some weird scholarship thing Soundwave wants him to apply for since he's tired of having to steal funds for us.

Rumble glares up at me, "This!" He waves angrily at the laptop screen (again, from Soundwave, something about making us appear 'normal'). "It wants me to enter my job title! My job is, word for word, Cashier/Customer Service Associate, but this stupid thing has an eighteen letter word limit! How do these idiots expect me to answer these questions when they keep giving me letter limits? Oh, and," Rumble quickly scrolls to another part of the application, "here? They want the name of your city, but there's a ten letter limit! Guess how many letters our city has? _Eleven._ We are _one fragging letter_ over the limit!"

I sigh and pull up a chair, ready to listen to Rumble rant about the stupidity of humans, and the overall incompetence of the species in general.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually have had to fill out applications like that. It's what I was doing immediately before writing this, in fact.  
> (can you tell it frustrated me?)


	3. The Perils of E-Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumble, Frenzy, and Soundwave, all learn something about humans they would have been more happy never, ever knowing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Spoken aloud (can be Cybertronian or English)"

"EEWWWWW!" 

I look over to see Rumble flinch away from his laptop, "Primus above that's _disgusting_ get it _away!"_

I walk over, curious as to what could have possibly provoked such a reaction from _Rumble_ of all mechs, and I see he's got an email open. 

It's not from anyone we know, and the title is "hey there, wanna meet up?" 

In the email itself is... 

Primus... 

"WHY WOULD YOU HAVE AN EMAIL LIKE THAT!?" 

Rumble's still resolutely _not_ staring at the screen, "I don't know! It was in my inbox and I thought one of the other 'Cons had been assigned to our mission and chose a really weird name so I opened it! I didn't _know_ that it had _this_ in it!" 

I shudder and turn away from the screen, "That's the most ridiculous excuse ever, though coming from you it's actually believable." 

Rumble glares at me, "Hey!" 

Just then Soundwave comes in, and Rumble and I freeze. He looks at us in confusion, and then ever so slowly turn to look at Rumble's laptop. He stares in shocked horror, and abruptly turns around and walks back out of the room without a word. 

I catch a glimpse of the screen in my peripheral vision, and follow Soundwave out of the room, "Block the sender, and next time you get an email from a random person _don't open it!"_

Even though I'm a room over I can hear Rumble's disgusted response, "How was I supposed to know it was from a porn star?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I've had this happen to me :'( Poor, poor Rumble.


	4. Licenses and Little Girls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Semi-direct (as in exactly 3 weeks later) sequel to "Road Testing."  
> Ravage sneaks in for no reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -.-.-.-.-.- = brief time break  
>  **[PoV Character]**  
>  "Spoken English"

**[Frenzy]**

"Why do we have to go through this _again?"_

I glare at Rumble sullenly, "Because getting a driver's license is an important part of being a teenager and will allow a level of freedom previously unknown while also bestowing a great deal of unwanted responsibility on us at the exact same time." 

Soundwave hums quietly in approval at my automatic response. 

Rumble just sighs, "Humans suck." 

I look at the lady behind the counter from our spot in line, and I wait until right before she turns to us to straighten up and smile a smile that I _know_ freaks humans out. She turn, sees me, and freezes. A co-worker drops something, and she looks down for a second, enough time for me to return to my slouched/normal teenager position, and she looks at me warily before returning her attention to the next customer. 

Rumble nudges me, "Stop making all the humans paranoid you idiot." 

I glance around casually, "What're you talking about? I'm just being myself." 

Rumble scoffs, "Exactly." 

Soundwave glances down at us, "Behave." 

We both look up at him before sullenly turning away from each other. 

"Next." 

Soundwave nudges us, and we walk up to he female waiting behind the counter for us. Unfortunately it's not the human that I scared. Fortunately, she seems to know who we are already. 

"H-hello, Mr. Wave. Ferris. R-Rhen." 

Rumble looks at the lady cheerfully, "Hello Miss! How are you doing today? I hope you're not as gloomy as the weather," he gestures out the window to the pouring rain streaming by, "that would be a shame! It's the first day of autumn! Season of warm colours! Cheer up Miss, I'm sure everything will get better!" 

The lady stares at Rumble, her eyes never leaving him as she cautiously hands over forms identical to the ones we got last time. 

I sigh and sign my name, ignoring Rumble as he cheerfully scribbles his. 

The lady smiles nervously as she takes the papers back, "Gary will be out in a minute, have a seat please." 

I can feel Rumble's glee leaking over our bond, and I sigh quietly. Hopefully Gary won't be too traumatized to test me after seeing Rumble again. 

I look up just as Gary comes out. He spots Rumble, and stops walking. Rumble stand up with a smile and strides over to Gary. 

Gary backs up a step nervously, "Y-you-" he points a shaky finger at Rumble, "-I refuse to test y-you!" 

Rumble smiles gently, "Come on, Gary, if the world can supposedly end in a day why can't I learn to drive in three weeks?" 

Gary shudders as Rumble mentions the world ending, and the lady that gave up the papers leans over to whisper something to him. Little does she know we can hear her, "Gary, if you pass them then we'll never have to see them again. Just make it through the next hour and a half, and you'll be fine." 

Rumble and I exchange a glance, and Gary twitches. 

He does his best to smile, "So, who's first?" 

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I sigh as Gary nervously asks me to do all the stupid checks to make sure I know how to use Soundwave's alt-mode. 

"Is your foot on the brake? Because the brake lights aren't on." 

I look out the window and back at Gary, "My foot's on the brake, Gray." 

He looks at me, then at the rear end of Soundwave's alt, then back at me. "Are you sure?" 

I glare at him, and he holds up his hands, "I'm just saying! Your brake light's aren't on! It's probably just a disconnected wire or something..." He trails off and pokes Soundwave, eliciting an angry roar of the engine. 

I sigh and rest my head in my hands, "Really, Sounders?" 

The engine dies down to a sullen grumble, and I can _feel_ Soundwave searching his systems for the problem. His satisfaction is obvious, and I hear a surprised "Oh!" from Gary. 

I look back at him, and he's looking at me with an expression that conveys complete terror, "They're working." 

I don't bother answering, and instead unlock the passenger's side door. Gary slowly walks around and carefully opens the door. He even more carefully settles his weight in the passenger's seat, though I can still feel Soundwave's disgust flare up briefly. 

Gary slowly puts his seatbelt on and settles down, "Alright, let's get started." 

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I slowly pull into the parking lot, reversing into a stall just outside the insurance building. Gary, much calmer now than he was at the beginning, smiles and looks over his/my grading sheet. "Okay, so, good news is you passed." Thank Primus, now I can _finally-_ wait. _Good_ news? As in, there's _bad_ news too? Sure enough, Gary's next words are, "Bad news is you still have a few things to work on." 

I twitch, and Gary continues on, oblivious to his rapidly approaching demise. 

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**[Rumble]**

I knew I should have gone first. Now I have to take the test in Dead End again, and Soundwave's off sitting on top of Frenzy once more. The insurance ladies were quite happy to let him calm down before filling out the rest of the paperwork and taking his photo. 

I wonder if there are any restrictions that can be placed on the license, like medical ones. 

Perhaps Frenzy's apparent mental instability around Gary has its own shorthand? 

Despite how hilarious that would be, I regretfully doubt such shorthand's existence. 

I cheerfully bounce alongside Dead End (once again drugged up so as not to blow our cover), and watch as Gary approaches me warily. Maybe it's a good thing Frenzy went first. Now Gary's had a chance to calm down a bit. 

"Hello, Rhen," He says quietly before gesturing to Dead End, "let's start, shall we?" 

I smile and nod before happily opening the door and buckling in. We go through all the basic functions of Dead End, and I can honestly say I now know how to push all of his buttons, or, at least, the biggest and most obvious ones (I labelled them all earlier with pink duct tape and bright green Sharpie). 

I know Frenzy is normally the more cheerful and spastic one, but I find mentally torturing humans so much more fun than he does. What's more mentally painful than horribly contrasting neon colours? And on a sports car no less? 

Gary flinches when he sees my labels, and I quietly smile. 

Gary directs me out onto the main road, and I can tell he's prepared to leap out of Dead End should I drive on the wrong side of the road again. I subtly lock the doors and pull onto the correct side of the road. I can see Gary relax a bit, and start humming quietly, only to stop and look innocently at Gary when he stares. "Is there a problem, Gary?" 

He looks worried, but shakes his head anyways, "No. Turn left here." 

I turn left, and quietly make a good imitation (for a human) of a screeching tire. 

Garry looks at me again, and I stop just as he looks at me. "Seriously, Garry, is something wrong?" 

He shakes his head and grimaces, "No. When it's safe to do so, please pull over and park." 

I nod, remembering the instructions from what Frenzy told me of his test. 

As much as I want to scare Gary into having a heart attack, I don't want to fail the same day Frenzy passed. 

I'll settle for mental torture. 

I slow to a crawl, and then brake quickly as a small girl runs out in front of us chasing a black cat. I leap out of Dead End and tackle the girl just as she makes it onto the road, and shield her from oncoming traffic, curling myself around her. 

I hear screeching tires, and gather my holoform's energy in my back to try and protect the girl, but nothing hits me. I slowly uncurl, and look around at the mess of cars. Then I look down at the girl, and am surprised to see black hair, pale white skin, and glowing red eyes. "Good job brother," whispers the girl in Ravage's voice before her eyes fade to a dull amber, and I stare in surprise. What the frag? 

Gary stumbles over, "Oh my goodness, Rhen, you have amazing reflexes. Let's get this girl looked after and call an ambulance for everyone else, shall we?" 

I look up at him, still puzzling over why Ravage would do this, and nod. Gary offers the girl/Ravage a hand up, but she shies away from him and curls up into me. Gary stares at me for a moment before pulling out a cell phone and dialing 9-1-1. 

Then Gary walks back over, "We're not too far from the insurance agency. Once everything here is settled, how about we head back and fill out your forms." 

I stare at him, seriously? Just like that, I passed? 

I grin, and Gary looks nervous again. 

The girl/Ravage silently laughs as she picks up my thoughts, and I hers. 

I am _so_ holding this over Frenzy. 

Forever will I be able to tease him about getting my license without so much as a single critique, and all because I saved a little girl. Granted, that girl was Ravage, but he doesn't need to know that. 

Ravage quietly laughs, and we happily imagine tormenting Frenzy until the end of his days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rumble's original plan was to make his own soundtrack for the test, but decided against it. And then Ravage happened, so it wouldn't have mattered anyways.


	5. Ruthenium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very short shorts about Ravage in my Human Element AU.  
> The following shorts are _not_ in chronological order.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -.-.-.-.- =time break  
>  **[PoV Character]**  
>  "spoken aloud"

**[Frenzy]**

"This is stupid." 

I look over at Rumble with a smirk, "We're _are_ learning about human culture." 

He shoots me a _look,_ "Yeah, but this is basically pointless bickering!" 

Ravage's little human girl form turns around and shushes us, "At least their arguments are entertaining. Yours are boring." 

We all look back at the screen as one of the characters, a blue one named Caboose, shoots his commanding officer, Church, with a tank. _Accidentally._

The other person on their team, Tucker, shouts profanity-filled abuse at Caboose for killing their leader. 

I look down at Ravage, "Okay, we've never gone _that_ far, but this is hardly interesting." 

The little holoform manages to glare back at me with surprising anger, "Shut. Up. I like it. I'm watching it. You don't like it? _Go away."_

Rumble and I exchange a nervous glance once Ravage turns back to the T.V. 

Who'd have thought Ravage liked Red vs. Blue? 

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**[Rumble]**

"Umm... Ravage?" 

Her freakishly adorable face tilts back to look at me, "What?" 

I look obviously at her, laying on her back in the middle of our driveway and covered in happily purring cats. 

She glances down at the cats, and looks back at me with a blissful expression. "I am their _queen."_

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**[Frenzy]**

I look down at Ravage, examining her holoform with unusual intensity as something occurs to me. "Ravage?" 

She look up at me in irritation, "What?" 

I keep staring, taking in her big amber eyes, curly black hair, and exceeding pale skin. "Why's your holo a little human girl?" 

She focuses her full attention on me, "Excuse me?" 

I stare back unflinchingly, "You heard me. Why not a cat or something?" 

She looks back at me with an unreadable expression, and then, ever so slowly, a terrifying smile forms. "I am, as you so eloquently put it, a little human girl, because most human adults will see me as too young and innocent to do most of what I do. I am the perfect agent. Additionally," her smile softens, becoming one of amusement rather than evil, "I can't slap you without hands." 

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**[Rumble]**

I wince as Ravage glares up at Soundwave, "Really? You're naming my human form _Ruth?"_

Soundwave looks unperturbed. "Affirmative." 

She twitches, her black curls bouncing slightly, "What is it with you and choosing human names based on elements?" 

Rumble steps forwards, "Wait, Ruth is related to an element?" 

Ravage snorts, "Yes, you half-wit. Ruthenium. Atomic number 44. Group 8. Period 5. Weight, 101.07. Density in grams per centimetre cubed, 12.37. Melting point, in degrees Kelvin, 2607. Boiling point, also in degrees Kelvin, 4423. Electronegativity, 2.2. _Ruthenium."_

Soundwave looks impressed, while Rumble and I are staring at her in shock. "How-?" 

She stares at me, "Wikipedia." I continue to stare, and she sighs, "We _do_ have internet connection here, you know." 

Rumble giggles, "Whatever you say _Ruth."_ He continues to giggle as she pounces on him with a snarl. 

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**[Soundwave]**

"Hey, Ruth!" 

I look back at a girl that looks to be the same age as Ravage's holoform shouts at us while running towards us. Ravage sighs quietly, "Oh, _her."_

I stare down at her in amusement, but the human catches up to us before I can say anything. 

"Hi Ruth! I just wanted to say goodbye and I know we said goodbye in class but I also wanted to meet your dad and this looks like your dad and hello Ruth's dad it's nice to meet you I really like Ruth and we're good friends how are you?" 

I smile gently down at the girl, well aware of how easily frightened young human children are, "I am Sam. It's nice to meet you." 

Ravage slowly turns towards the girl, and I can see her mentally bringing up her human personality in order to civilly talk to the young girl. "Hey Rebecca," She says as she immerses herself fully in the personality, "this is my dad. His name's actually Samuel, but he likes Sam 'cause it's shorter." 

The newly designated Rebecca nods sagely, "Shorter names are always easier to remember and it's nice to meet you Sam though I think I'll still call you Ruth's dad, or could I call you Mr. Wave? Because calling you Sam seems kind of weird because you're not an adult I know really well and the other adults I don't know really well are all teachers and I call them by their last names so I feel like I should do the same to you." 

I keep smiling and nod, "You may call me Mr. Wave if you so wish." 

Rebecca smiles happily, and starts walking backwards, "Okay then, it was nice to meet you Mr. Wave I just wanted to say hi and I've gotta go because I have piano practice and I can't be late and my mom will get mad so bye and I'll see you tomorrow Ruth!" 

Ravage smiles and waves cheerfully after Rebecca, "By Becky!" 

We watch the small child run back to her obviously impatient mother before turning away and walking back to my alt-mode. Ravage disconnects from her Ruth personality once we're in my alt-mode and in no danger of having to talk to any more of her class mates. 

"Primus she's as bad as that Autobots gunner!" 

I look down at Ravage with a wry grin, "Ruth. Obviously counted as a friend. Ruth's behaviour. Indicated fondness for Rebecca. Ruth. Must expect affections directed at herself." 

Ravage scoffs, "Just because I can tolerate it as Ruth doesn't mean I like it as Ravage. The only reason I let Ruth like her is because she's actually pretty smart, despite being the human version of Bluestreak." 

I simply smile at her, "Suggestion. Don't let Rumble or Frenzy know." 

Ravage groans, "No need to tell me that. I'd never hear the end of it! Friends with a _human._ " 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	6. A Thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumble is writing _A Thing_.

"Frenzy, for the last time, _stop bothering me!"_

Frenzy quirks an eyebrow (something he's gotten remarkably good at) "What's eating you?" 

Rumble snarls wordlessly at him and stalks to their bedroom, flopping down onto his bed with an aggravated sigh, "I just need some time to write this thing, and every time I sit down something _always_ manages to come up." 

Frenzy stares at Rumble in disbelief, "You're writing a _thing?"_

Rumble nods from his flop on the bed, "Yup." 

Frenzy crosses his arms and tilts his head, "What kind of _thing,_ exactly?" 

The bed creaks as Rumble shifts a little nervously and looks up at Frenzy, "A literature thing." 

Frenzy's stance gets more disproving, "Well, considering you're _writing_ something I would think that it would automatically make it a literature thing." 

A glare answers that response, and Rumble throws up his hands, "Okay! Fine! I'm trying to write about the Cybertronian history, but in a way that I don't find painfully boring, and since the history I have to read is like research I don't find it as hard to read." 

Frenzy stares, "You're what?" 

A scoff from Rumble, "Writing a history thing." 

Frenzy rolls his eyes, "Again with the word _thing."_

Rumble gives his a semi-amused look, "Yeah, I know, and I haven't been referring to you once." 

An arrogant head tilt has Frenzy looking mock-disdainfully down at Rumble, "Well, I'll _try_ to give you some time for this _thing_ of yours, seeing as you're so obnoxiously dedicated to it." 

Rumble grins, "Thanks, Frenz." 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	7. Playing with Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soundwave learns that human children can be both easy and terrible to deal with. Also, their mother's are not necessarily more mature than their children.
> 
> Warning: Mild swearing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The gang’s actual names are used for everything *unless* they’re being spoken to while a human is around, regardless of whether they’re acting through their holoform or their actual mode (the latter doesn’t really happen much here), because they don’t want anybody to be suspicious.  
> Soundwave=Sam  
> Ravage=Ruth  
> Frenzy=Ferris  
> Rumble=Rhen  
> Also, “ingenuine” (meaning not-genuine) isn’t actually a word but I use it anyways. 
> 
> Sorry for spelling errors! I wrote this after finishing a research paper, so my brain was a little fried.
> 
> "Spoken aloud"  
> [name]:bond talk:  
>  **[PoV Character]**

**[Soundwave]**

Soundwave frowns as the cascading sounds of the doorbell ring throughout the house. None of the Decepticons are allowed to make contact outside of extenuating circumstances (like Dead End for Rumble’s ridiculous driving test), and ever since the last… incident… with the religious humans that used to come around every two weeks or so and knock on their door to spout nonsense about made up human deities and fleshbags of power (as if such a thing was possible) nobody has come near their house. 

For all Rumble and Frenzy find research and history tedious, they are surprisingly dedicated to Primus. In all honesty Soundwave should have seen their minor break in human-character (definitely not a break in their actual character) coming. 

Thank the stars he’d been able to get those two out of being arrested on account of the religious people being illegal trespassers. While unorthodox, the reflective yellow sign with black writing hanging on the front door saying 

**Private Property.**

**Do not knock on the door for any reason.**

**Do not pass GO on your way back to the sidewalk.**

was hard enough to miss that nobody could doubt the trespassing claim. 

Which brought him back to the original point. Who the frag just rang the doorbell? 

Soundwave cautiously approached the front door as Ravage’s small holoform appeared next to the door. 

[Ravage]: You know it’d be faster if you just restructured your holoform where you needed to be instead of walking everywhere.: 

Soundwave shoots her a _look_ before completing an unnoticeable scan broadcasted from his actual form in the garage. The being outside is a middle-aged female accompanied by a much smaller female the age Ravage’s holoform is supposed to be. The exact age Ravage’s holoform is supposed to be, in fact. Letting out an inaudible sigh Soundwave mentally braces himself before opening the door with one of his cover’s typical small smiles. “Hello Rebecca, it’s nice to see you again. Rebecca’s mother, it is a pleasure to see you as well, though I admit this is unexpected.” 

Rebecca’s long black hair is done in a simple ponytail, and her green eyes are bright with happiness upon seeing Ruth. Rebecca beams and gives Ravage a small wave. Ruth smiles shyly back, and Soundwave turns to Rebecca’s mother. The lady in question, in contrast to Rebecca, has styled red hair, fake blue nails, and is rude enough to be looking at her phone, a bedazzled monstrosity, her thumbs flying across and typing out something of presumably great importance as she snorts in irritation. “Yeah, it’s unexpected for me too, and don’t call me Rebecca’s mom, call me Mrs. Haltz. God, do I look like my life revolves around my kid?” Mrs. Haltz rolls her eyes without looking away from her phone, and admirable feat, albeit an incredibly rude one. “Look, Rebecca won’t shut up about how nice you and your kid are, and I really don’t have time for this shit. One of my friends just got back from two weeks in Italy and managed not to pay for any hotels or dinners, and I absolutely _need_ to talk to her and get the details, so can you look after Rebecca for tonight for me? I’ve got all her crap in my car.” 

Soundwave hides his frown as Rebecca shuffles her feet, carefully making sure that at no point does she come into contact with her mother’s fancy skirt or handbag, despite the lack of space on the doorstep. 

This is not a development he would have expected. 

Outwardly his smile never wavers, “My children and I had no plans for this evening, and I’m sure we can accommodate your daughter for the night if,” he ensure he makes eye contact with Rebecca, “she does not mind keeping us company that is.” 

For a split second Rebecca lights up, a wide grin covering her face before her mother answers for her and a carefully neutral expression clears her face of all expression, “Of course she doesn’t mind, it’s not like she had anything else to do either.” 

[Ravage]: Someone so young should not have to learn how to hide their emotions to such a degree outside of a warzone.: 

A deep seated regret washed over Soundwave at his eldest’s words, but he suppresses it with an ease born from millennia of practice. His creations should not have been in a warzone in the first place, but that time has long since passed. Perhaps he can help this young human get away from her dreadful mother for a while. From what he remembers, when not around her mother Rebecca is endlessly cheerful and talks nearly as much as that Autobot sniper. 

It will be good for everybody. Rebecca will get away her mother, and Soundwave and his creations will get to interact with a cheerful, innocent youngling, even if said youngling is human and fragile. 

Rebecca’s mother flicks a careless hand at her tiny blue car, metallic-looking plastic wrist bangles clicking against each other, “Get your bag already Rebecca, I have places to be.” 

Rebecca dashes to the car and carefully opens the door, pulling a simple black duffle bag out of the back seat and hauling it back to the front door. 

Soundwave steps aside and Rebecca walks past him, duffle on her shoulder, and watches Ravage lead them to her room, explaining what room is behind each door as they go. He turn back to Rebecca’s mother to wish her farewell (an admittedly ingenuine farewell, but it is a social custom he’s come to learn to do regardless of its sincerity) but Mrs. Haltz is already striding back to her car, far enough away that he’s fairly certain she didn’t even wait to see her daughter through the door before leaving. 

He sighs and closes the door, this is going to be a long night. 

-.-.-.4.-.h.o.u.r.s.-.l.a.t.e.r.-.-.- 

**[Rumble]**

Walking in through the backdoor the last thing Rumble expects to do is trip over a disembodied head. 

Granted, once Frenzy has stopped laughing at his misfortune and Rumble has managed to keep from unleashing his litany of multilingual curse words, he actually looks at the disembodied head and sees that it’s not a real, squishy human head. Instead he sees that it’s one of those terrifying plastic Barbie heads that human parents sometimes inexplicably buy their younglings. 

Rumble props himself on his elbows and sighs, then he looks up and comes face-to-abdomen with someone that is distinctly not a holoform. 

[Ravage]: Did we forget to tell you Rebecca was staying the night? Oops.: 

Rumble looks up further to see Rebecca frowning down at him (scrap, she looks mad), “You broke her.” Rumble looks towards the door and finds that there’s a long crack running along the side of the creepy head. 

He turns back to Rebecca with a sheepish grin, “Whoops?” 

[Rumble]: Why do I feel sorry for cracking a surprisingly creepy plastic head?: 

Rebecca narrows her eyes for a moment, and Rumble briefly worries about getting kneed in the nose or something equally violent in revenge, but Rebecca shrugs and relaxes, “I thought it was weird anyways.” 

Rumble watches her go back over to where Ravage is building the Nemesis out of pink, purple, and red Lego (special edition Valentine’s Day Lego colours; that was a fun store to raid) with surprise. 

[Ravage]: Her mom bought it for her so she could practice applying makeup and doing hair. Don’t feel sorry.: 

Frenzy walks over Rumble, intentionally digging his grubby shoes into Rumble’s back as he goes, to get inside. “Becky!” 

Rebecca looks over at Frenzy and sticks her tongue out, “Ferry.” 

Ravage snickers quietly at her friend’s bastardization of Frenzy’s human name. Watching Frenzy’s outraged expression morph into one of exaggerated glee as he stalks over to Rebecca is amusing, and watching Frenzy pounce on an unsuspecting Rebecca and start mercilessly tickling her is even more so. 

“Ruth! Help me!” Ravage raises an eyebrow and scoots backwards away from where Frenzy has Rebecca pinned down. 

“Nope.” 

Between high-pitched bouts of laughter Rebecca sends Ravage a deeply betrayed look, so Rumble sighs and hauls himself to his feet. He absently closes the door behind him and crouches down, calculations running through his processor. He quietly shifts around to Frenzy’s blind spot, ignoring Ravage’s unimpressed glare. 

A final readjustment, and he’s ready. Rumble takes three bounding steps across the room before tackling Frenzy, and the duo immediately start wrestling with each other on the ground. Ravage drags Rebecca back from the pair to watch, Rebecca’s small body heaving as she gets her breath back. 

The two girls wince as a stray limb hits a bookshelf, watching worriedly as it shakes with the impact. Rebecca and Ravage giggle quietly at Frenzy’s muffled curses, unable to properly form any actual swear words with Rumble shoving his face into the carpet. 

Soundwave watches silently from the kitchen as two of his creations make a mess of their living room, the damage they do far less than anything that has happened in the past, while his eldest gleefully watches the carnage with a human child. 

Perhaps looking after other human children isn’t so terrible after all. 

-.-.-.3.-.w.e.e.k.s.-.l.a.t.e.r.-.-.- 

**[Soundwave]**

Soundwave flinches as a gaggle of children go sprinting past him, brightly coloured plastic water guns held incorrectly in their grubby hands. 

Ravage, Rebecca, and a few other children chase the first group, squirting them with unsteady streams of water. Ravage, her water rifle held surprisingly easily considering her actual body has no hands, discreetly rolls her eyes at him as yet another one of the many children’s mothers, who even knows which one at this point, tries to not-so-discreetly ask if he’s single. Again. 

[Frenzy]: Rumble, one of the brats is making a break for the kitchen again. Cake-napper incoming.: 

[Rumble]: For frag’s sake! How hard is it for these stupid kids to wait for an hour? And look! He’s still wearing his muddy shoes inside the house! I can track his footprints! Not only is this a pitiful attempt at stealth, but it’s going to take ages to clean up! Muddy shoes! On a WHITE carpet!!: 

[Frenzy]: I hope it’s all just mud. I think one of the kids brought their dog.: 

[Rumble]: I’m going to pretend you didn’t imply what I think you just implied.: 

[Frenzy]: Suit yourself. Don’t step in the dog-shit footprints.: 

[Rumble]: It’s not dog-shit.: 

[Frenzy]: Yeah, OK there Rumble.: 

[Rumble]: I refuse to believe this pathetic excuse for a thief just tracked dog-crap across our carpet.: 

[Frenzy]: Since when do you care so much about cleanliness?: 

[Rumble]: Since it was possibly compromised by bacteria-infested, fully-digested, smelly, brown, disgusting, dog excrement.: 

[Ravage]: Shut up and let me enjoy my fake birthday.: 

[Rumble]: Calm down Ravage. If you step in anything remotely poopy, don’t blame me. 

[Frenzy]: Yeah Ravage, don’t blame Rumble for stepping in some stranger’s random pile of dog-shit. You know, because that would be such a logical thing for you to do.: 

[Soundwave]: Silence. Party noise level. High enough without you contributing.: 

[Ravage]: Thank you, Soundwave.: 

[Rumble]: Sorry Boss.: 

[Frenzy]: Sorry Boss.: 

Soundwave warily watches one children trying to engage in water-warfare and eat a cupcake simultaneously out of the corner of his eye, the majority of his attention focused on the ditzy woman in front of him now that his creations have finally ceased arguing. She’s told him how nice he is for inviting people over to his house for Ravage’s fake birthday at least five times in the last seven minutes, the wording changing a minimal amount each time. 

He turns his head to reply, and a second later feels something mushy hit his leg. He looks down to see water gun-cupcake boy has tripped, and that his half-eaten cupcake is now adhered to Soundwave’s pants. 

The gaggle of women coo and chitter at each other while eyeing the fallen boy, one even pats Soundwave’s shoulder consolingly as she looks at his ruined pants. None of them move to help. 

Just as Soundwave’s about to help the child himself a woman that is presumably the child’s mother comes over and titters at him, seemingly checking him for injuries despite the fact that he fell approximately three feet and landed on grass. 

Despite not having any injuries, the boy’s eyes fill with tears. 

[Frenzy]: Oh no. 

The boy looks at the cupcake as it slides down Soundwave’s pants, leaving a thick trail of icing in its wake. He takes a deep breath, his small chest visibly expanding. 

[Rumble]: Who thought this party was a good idea again?; 

[Ravage]: Not having one would have been suspicious.: 

The child stops inhaling, glances at his mother with big, watery eyes, a single tear trailing down his grimy cheek, and _screams._

[Soundwave]: Groups of children. Never invited again.: 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> Something along these lines was initially requested by Halo_Wings. I'm happy to say they enjoyed it :)


	8. Enter Laserbeak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laserbeak is so bored she's going crazy (she's actually figured out why Wheeljack makes things explode, she needs to get out of the Ark ASAP).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **[PoV Character]**
> 
> [Name]:bond talk:
> 
> "Spoken aloud"
> 
> -.-.-.-P.o.V.-.o.r.-.T.i.m.e.-.C.h.a.n.g.e.-.-.-
> 
> Soundwave=Sam  
> Ravage=Ruth  
> Frenzy=Ferris  
> Rumble=Rhen

**[Laserbeak]**

She had been stuck onboard the Ark for nearly a year now, and was more than ready to get the frag out of the Autobot's damn vents. She could navigate undetected through them while in stasis at this point, and while her occasional talks with Bluestreak did wonders for her boredom (and sanity) and her siblings always made sure to talk to her or simply share what they were doing at least once a day, she was going to go crazy. 

Laserbeak grumbled quietly, shifting from where she sat in her own small monitor room. It was hidden in a small room she'd painstakingly carved out above the Dinobot's caverns. That way it was in an area no Bots enjoyed coming to, and it was protected by rock and naturally found minerals that interfered with scanners. The tunnel she'd carved to her room linked directly to the ventilation system, so the chances of being seen by an Autobot were practically non-existent. 

Laserbeak had set up cameras in almost every single room aboard the Ark within three months of arriving, and the data collected streamed directly via cable (not wirelessly, that would be far too easy for an Autobot to accidentally intercept) to Laserbeak's own personal command center aboard the Ark. On a random day of every week she would transfer all the data collected to an external drive, hide the drive in a small secret subspace pocket (one inaccessible to everyone without her family's spark signature), and meet one of the Elite Trine at a pre-determined rendezvous, set up via Soundwave and Laserbeak's sparkbond. When she returned to her command center she'd wait until Soundwave confirmed that the data was complete and ready to be reviewed before deleting it from her command center's memory banks. 

Of course, the rooms that she'd not dared to enter were fairly important, and the reason she was still stuck here and not celebrating complete Decepticon victory. The Autobot officers' rooms, as well as the "war room" and Red Alert's personal monitor room and Prowl's "tactical room" were all checked on a monthly, weekly, and sometimes daily basis depending on Red Alert's mood, and only Prowl, Jazz, and Red Alert were allowed to sweep the rooms. They checked _everywhere_. They'd have definitely noticed a camera and extra wire, or even just an extra wire. 

Additionally, Wheeljack's "Room of Invention" was also lacking a camera. He usually managed to take them out whenever his carefully created explosions went off. 

It had taken Laserbeak a while to figure out how the frag one of the Autobot's most competent engineers consistently managed to set off ground shaking explosions. 

He did it on purpose. 

Prowl and Jazz had planned it, and while it irritated the living spark out of Ratchet it was a surprisingly good plan. 

Whenever something exploded, or just barely seemed to work, it boosted the humans' confidence. They saw an advanced creature that'd lived for longer than their disgusting planet had existed making mistakes that they could help fix, and instead of thinking _"golly this is kind of suspicious"_ they thought _"oh my god I need to help this idiot stop making terrible equipment and accidentally exploding things."_ While this was, admittedly, a train of thought more suitable to their continued survival, since the malfunctions and explosions were occasionally rather important and large, it meant that, in order for any kind of surveillance equipment to survive in the "Room of Invention" it had to be capable of either: 

A) surviving consistent explosions and technical malfunctions of varying severity and size; 

B) being so cheap and easy to create that it could be replaced after every incident. 

Since those two options were rather contradictory with each other, Laserbeak was stuck with normal cameras and equipment that she only used when she thought Wheeljack was going to be making something important that _wouldn't_ explode/malfunction. 

It happened less often that one might think. 

-.-.-.M.e.a.n.w.h.i.l.e.-.-.- 

**[Soundwave]**

"We gotta get Beaky up here, Boss." 

Soundwave looked at Frenzy over the top of his newspaper, letting the pair of (ironically) blue and gold reading glasses Rebecca had bought him for his "birthday" slide down his nose so he could peer over them. It's oddly satisfying. 

"She's bored out of her processor, Boss. It's starting to leak through our blocks." 

Soundwave frowned and concentrated inwards, surprised to find that Frenzy was correct. The blocks they all instinctively had up for protection and privacy had survived ambushes and combat scenarios, (they even held steady that one time Soundwave had to seduce someone) the fact that Laserbeak's boredom was leaking through while she was on-mission was incredibly worrying. 

Soundwave sighed and put his newspaper down. He could work on the crossword later. 

-.-.-.A.r.k.s.i.d.e.-.-.- 

**[Laserbeak]**

Laserbeak was contemplating irritating Bluestreak into helping her set up another prank. He was always so worried he'd get caught, but as long as he was helping her with petty things like pranks then he was simultaneously underestimating how far she'd gotten into the Ark's security and helping her keep from blowing her cover just for something to do. 

[Soundwave]: Laserbeak. Status?: 

Laserbeak huffed, momentarily irritated that her potential plans had been foiled, before she registered who she was talking to. 

[Laserbeak]: Soundwave! I'm so fragging bored you have no idea pleasegetmeoutofhereimsobored.: 

-.-.-.A.g.a.i.n.-.M.e.a.n.w.h.i.l.e.-.-.- 

**[Soundwave]**

This was very concerning. Laserbeak actually sounded a little unstable. Perhaps a "vacation" (as much as anyone could have a vacation during a civil war) was required for Laserbeak… but who to replace her with? The information she was gathering was invaluable, and the post had to be full-time in order to maintain the cameras and equipment and to keep an optic on the Bots that didn't have cameras in the rooms they spent the most time in. 

They also had to be able to avoid Jazz and Prowl. That was the main reason Soundwave's creations were always chosen for Ark infiltrations, they were the only ones that could consistently avoid those two. 

Additionally, Jazz and Prowl were terrifying and not many of the minicons were willing to be that close to them for any period of time. Across a battlefield was usually as close as they wanted to get, something that, while completely understandable, was also very frustrating. 

[Soundwave]: Replacement. Will meet you at the next rendezvous. Replacement. Will accompany Laserbeak back to the Ark. Laserbeak. Will train replacement until satisfied with continued mission security and success.: 

Now, who could Soundwave send to the Ark that wouldn't botch the mission… 

-.-.-.S.e.v.e.r.a.l.-.S.e.c.o.n.d.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.- 

**[Buzzsaw]**

[Buzzsaw]: You've got to be kidding me.: 

[Soundwave]: Soundwave. Does not "kid".: 

[Buzzsaw]: You're sending me to replace Laserbeak on-board the Ark for an unknown period of time because you're concerned for her sanity.: 

[Soundwave]: Affirmative.: 

[Buzzsaw]: You're sending _me_ to replace _Laserbeak_ because you're worried for _her_ sanity? Laserbeak is, after Ravage, the least likely to go insane out of all of us. The fact that she is apparently nearly insane is worrying enough, but you're sending me in to replace her? What about _my_ sanity?: 

The pause in conversation was enough to make Buzzsaw nervous. 

[Soundwave]: Buzzsaw. Only option. Buzzsaw. Fits all requirements.: 

[Buzzsaw]: What requirements?: 

[Soundwave]: Small enough to fit in Ark ventilation system. 

Small enough to fit in tunnels dug by Laserbeak. 

Stealthy enough to avoid _all_ Autobot officers. 

Skilled enough to keep tabs on _all_ Autobot officers. 

Smart enough to know when to monitor Wheeljack. 

Unafraid of monitoring Ark while Prowl and Jazz are present. 

Sparkbonded with Decepticon outside of Ark to set up rendezvous. 

Capable of travelling distance to rendezvous and back to Ark quickly and undetected.: 

[Buzzsaw]: That's an impressive list, Boss.: 

[Soundwave]: Affirmative.: 

[Buzzsaw]: Since I can feel how bad off Laserbeak is… I'll do it. 

[Soundwave]: Rendezvous information sent. Good luck.: 

-.-.-.T.w.o.-.a.n.d.-.a.-.H.a.l.f.-.W.e.e.k.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.- 

**[Laserbeak]**

Freedom. Laserbeak revelled in the feeling of wind ghosting over her wings, knowing that she didn't have to return to the Ark until Soundwave reassigned her. Hopefully that wouldn't be for a good long while. 

Laserbeak had spent the last two weeks walking Buzzsaw through her finely tuned schedule. He'd been impressed, to say the least. 

Bluestreak thought that, because Laserbeak was leaving, that there would be no more Decepticons monitoring them until she returned. Silly Bluestreak. 

Now Laserbeak was flying, not back to the Nemesis, but to some remote Canadian city/town not too far north from the Ark. It should only take her an hour or two to fly there. Then she'd be able to relax. 

-.-.-.1.5.-.H.o.u.r.s.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.- (1.5 hours, not 15) 

**[Soundwave]**

"I have to what?" 

Soundwave sighed and looked up (and wasn't that a weird feeling) at Laserbeak to meet her optics. 

"Laserbeak. Must create human holoform. Laserbeak. Must learn to blend in with humans." 

Laserbeak growled. "You've got to be kidding me." 

Soundwave wisely suspected that a deadpan response of "Soundwave. Does not kid." would not be appreciated right now. Instead he decided it would be best to go with a direct, if slightly unorthodox approach. 

"Laserbeak. Will learn how to live outside of war-zone." 

That gave his creation a pause. She peered down at him, "What?" 

Soundwave allowed his holoform to grin, a tiny, nearly unnoticeable grin, but it caught Laserbeak's attention and she stared in surprise. "Human life here. Peaceful." Soundwave ignored his memories of Ravage's birthday party with a determination he usually only had to utilize when captured by the more competent Autobot officers. "Human life. Surprising. Break from war. Break from Decepticon politics. Break from Autobots." 

Laserbeak settled down, bringing her optics to the level of the eyes on Soundwave's holoform. "You're serious. You're actually starting to like this assignment, aren't you?" 

Soundwave shrugged, another tiny motion that caught Laserbeak's attention. "Human life here. Peaceful." 

She hesitated, looking at Soundwave's real form and eyeing it with concern. "Fine, but I won't have to become some stupid human ground transportation will I? That's a bit much." 

Internally Soundwave cheered. "Negative." 

-.-.-.U.n.s.p.e.c.i.f.i.e.d.-.A.m.o.u.n.t.-.o.f.-.T.i.m.e.-.L.a.t.e.r.-.-.- 

**[Frenzy]**

Having Laserbeak around and watching her simultaneously relax and fumble about as a human was way more amusing than Frenzy had previously anticipated. (Watching her learn to walk had been hysterical.) Her holoform was registered as three years younger than Rumble and Frenzy's, which meant that she had to go to school. Luckily Soundwave had fabricated some elaborate backstory for Laserbeak about her being a long lost daughter of his, one that he somehow didn't know about until recently, magically discovered, and then subsequently adopted. 

For some reason, nobody questioned it. 

Soundwave, of course, was now getting hit on by even more creepy ladies (and even some guys) because telling people how they "got" Laserbeak apparently made him _"sooooo adorable"_ and _"such a charming family man"_ and meant that Rumble and Frenzy were almost immediately grounded for the foreseeable future because they couldn't stop laughing. 

Before her first day of school Laserbeak lurked around the building at night and scoped it out. The first night was spent finding entry points, possible escape route, ambush sites, and good places to hide and possibly stash equipment. She spent an entire week trying to get into the school's ventilation system, only to find that there wasn't one and that there was instead a surprising amount of space in the ceiling. She can now, if she's careful, navigate the width of the school without being seen or heard. 

Everyone was incredibly glad that they got Laserbeak out of the Ark. This level of paranoia was concerning, albeit a tad amusing. Additionally, Rumble and Frenzy now knew all the best places to set up pranks in the school, and nobody would suspect them since they'd already graduated. 

Laserbeak's holoform was named Lawrence. The spelling weirded some people out, but when it showed up next to names like Ruth, Ferris, and Rhen most people just shrugged and moved on. Some idiot in one of Laserbeak's classes made a smart-aft comment about it on her first day of school, but Laserbeak "accidentally" punched his lights out during gym class and got suspended for a week. 

Laserbeak is now given a wide berth in the school's hallways, something that she's inordinately pleased about. 

Rebecca took it all in stride and asked Laserbeak to teacher her how to punch like that. 

Laserbeak also nearly managed to acquire a criminal record during her first week. Her real form's alt-mode is now a fancy laptop, one that she carries around in a backpack wherever she goes. Some idiot tried to steal it while she was out walking, and she broke both his arms. Thankfully a nice old lady saw the whole thing and told the police off, then offered to teach Laserbeak how to knit. 

Soundwave now had a blue and gold scarf to match his reading glasses. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Grammatical errors?


	9. Laserbeak Meets Rebecca

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place near the end of chapter 8, showing what happened when Laserbeak met Rebecca.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Spoken english"  
> [name]: bond talk:
> 
> This chapter is all from 1 PoV (shocking for me, I know) and it's Frenzy.
> 
> Just a recap:  
> Sam=Soundwave  
> Ruth=Ravage  
> Lawrence=Laserbeak  
> Rhen=Rumble  
> Ferris=Frenzy
> 
> If I ever drag Buzzsaw into this he'll probably be called something weirdly normal (like Brian, or Bruce).

**[Frenzy]**

“What. Is. That.”  
Rebecca’s startlingly large grin doesn’t waver.  
“It’s a wagon!”  
Rumble and I exchange a glance. “Uh, I guess?”  
The “wagon” in question was a rusty monstrosity that was limping along on two horrifically squeaky wheels, the other two wheels resting within the wagon itself. If this were a cartoon there would be green-coloured smell lines rising off the whole thing, because Rebecca clearly got this from a pile of garbage somewhere.  
I crouch down so I’m face-to-face with Rebecca while Rumble shuffles around the wagon with his nose plugged. “Why, exactly, did you drag this to our house? Also, have you ever had something called a tetanus shot?”  
Rebecca’s eyes turn down to stare at the ground and she twists her right foot against the ground, the very picture of a cute/bashful/contrite little girl. “I thought we could fix it together, and paint it red, and we could play with it like in Calvin and Hobbes.”  
[Frenzy]: Primus below, why is she so fragging _adorable._ :  
[Rumble]: Adorable but _stupid._ How old do humans have to be before they can get a tetanus shot? Seriously? This thing is disgusting.:  
[Soundwave]: If Rebecca’s mother has adhered to the recommended vaccination guidelines then she would have received her 5th dose in the Tetanus immunization series between ages 4 and 6.:  
[Ravage]: You do remember meeting Rebecca’s mother, right? The one who left Rebecca with us despite having never met us so that she could gossip with a friend of hers? Vaccinating Rebecca would require effort on Rebecca’s behalf for Rebecca’s well-being, so it’s moderately unlikely she was vaccinated.:  
[Laserbeak]: Our human residence is in one of the five states that does not allow for religious or philosophical exemptions from childhood vaccinations. It would likely be _more_ effort for Rebecca to have been exempted from getting vaccinated for medical reasons:  
[Rumble]: Back to the _actual point_ of this conversation. This little rusty death-trap is a nightmare waiting to happen. Someone should go out and buy a wagon and we can throw this one in the Nemesis’ incinerator.:  
I smile and ruffle Rebecca’s hair, “Yah know, if you wanted to spend more time with us you could have just said so.”  
Rebecca’s eyes widen and she looks so honestly surprised that, if I had a heart, it would probably be aching right now.  
“You… don’t mind if I come over more?”  
[Ravage]: Invite Rebecca over _now,_ before I decide to arrange an accident for her mother.:  
[Soundwave]: Our mission. Temporary. Long-term custody of Rebecca. Impractical.:  
[Ravage]: It sounds like you’ve actually looked into it?:  
[Soundwave]: … No comment.:  
I swoop in and toss Rebecca over my shoulder before standing up. Her delighted shriek is (painfully loud) music to my audials. “Of course not! If you don’t come over I’ll be stuck with just Rhen, Ruth, and Lawrence for non-adult company!” I shift Rebecca so I’m holding her in a princess carry and lower my voice dramatically. “They’re all crazy.”  
Rumble scoffs and rolls his eyes from where he’s still warily poking at the rusty lump of wagon. “You’re one to talk, Mr. Tried-to-Fly-off-the-Roof-with-Paper-Wings.”  
With a gasp of overexaggerated shock I stumble backwards, “Ruth! You promised to never speak of that incident again!”  
Then I stumble unintentionally as Rebecca starts wiggling about like a landed whale (or whatever the human saying is), “You’ve done that too?! I’ve always wanted to try that!”  
[Frenzy]: Abort. Abort. We don’t need her flying off our roof right into a broken puddle of fleshbag on the lawn.:  
[Rumble]: Rude. We’d totally catch her. Like that Superman Movie.:  
[Laserbeak]: Lois Lane would have been severed in three by the impact with Superman at those speeds. Do not use it as an example of how we’d keep the human child alive.:  
[Soundwave]: Laserbeak. Correct.:  
“Weeeeeeeeell we can always try… uh… floating? First? Before we try flying?” I wince. Wow, that was stupid even for me.  
[Rumble]: In case it’s somehow missed your notice, _humans don’t float_.:  
[Frenzy]: Trust me, I regretted that as I was saying it.:  
The shriek of delight that came out of Rebecca almost has me dump her on the ground in surprise. “We can float?!”  
The glance that Rumble and I share is nothing short of _total panic_. Luckily, Laserbeak decides to intervene in order to prevent Disappointed-Tears-of-Rebecca.  
“We haven’t met yet, little girl, but I’ve heard much about you.”  
This time Rebecca’s shriek is of surprise, not that it’s any gentler on my audials.  
[Ravage]: I’m not even there, but I feel like you guys are all messing up somehow.:  
[Laserbeak]: Last time I interacted with a human child he tried to touch my holoform’s ass and I broke his arm.:  
[Ravage]: Do. Not. Break. Rebecca’s. Arm.:  
“Down! Put me down Ferris!”  
The squirming child is scarcely on the ground before she runs over to stand directly in front of Laserbeak so she can stare up and up (and up, and up) at the holoform’s face.  
“Can you teach me how to break peoples’ arms?”  
Laserbeak quirks an eyebrow (something she figured out how to do only recently) and stares, bemused, down at Rebecca. “And why would I teach you something like that?”  
Hands clasped together, eyes wide, Rebecca looks as innocent as it is possible for a human child to look.  
[Frenzy]: I’m so proud.:  
[Rumble]: Aww, she’s been practicing.:  
[Ravage]: Is everyone but me and Soundwave teaching her manipulative and violent skills??:  
[Soundwave]: Rebecca. Expressed interest in hacking.:  
[Ravage]: Oh for frag’s sake. She’s _six_.:  
[Rumble]: Evading the law has no age limit.:  
[Frenzy]: If anything, you should be thanking us for teaching her valuable life skills!:  
[Ravage]: Don’t worry! I’m heading home now so I can show you how thankful I am face-to-face.:  
Laserbeak bends over and picks Rebecca up, propping her on one hip. Her holoform appears barely 15 human years old, so it looks a little weird, but Rebecca doesn’t seem to care all that much.  
“I will teach you, but you must promise to keep this a secret.”  
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a six year old come so close to looking utterly terrifying (clearly this child has been spending too much time with Ravage). “I promise.”  
[Rumble]: So… can I take this rusty pile of scrap masquerading as a wagon to the incinerator? Or should we just bury it in the backyard?:  
[Frenzy]: She might dig it up if we bury it. And it would ruin the grass.:  
[Rumble]: Why do you care about the grass.:  
[Frenzy]: Imagine how passive aggressive the neighbourhood moms would get if they saw that our lawn was full of holes?:  
[Rumble]: You think they’d turn on Soundwave? They’d probably take the opportunity to flirt even more, while implying that clearly this household needs a ‘femenine touch’ to help maintain it.:  
[Soundwave]: Desist. Wagon. Will go to dump.:  
[Frenzy]: Spoilsport.:  
[Rumble]: You just want people to stop flirting with you.:  
[Soundwave]: No comment.:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?
> 
> I did not intend to talk about vaccinations that much (I don’t even live in the US so I had to do _actual research omg)_ but I did plan to mention it and then it spiralled a bit out of control. Information is from:  
> https://www.ncsl.org/research/health/school-immunization-exemption-state-laws.aspx  
> https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/schedules/downloads/child/0-18yrs-child-combined-schedule.pdf  
> The CDC document is pretty informative (there is a table for recommended vaccination schedule depending on your type of medical condition, which is _fascinating_ ).

**Author's Note:**

> As I said, I initially wrote most of these (ch 1-8) ages ago. I love them dearly, and rereading them has been a blessed nostalgic affair. Let me know what you think :) I'm terrible at replying to comments in a timely manner, but I do eventually read each one and wiggle happily about like a strange little worm at them.


End file.
